LONG BEACH (gorewon2000.net) February 3, 2001 -- Many people have been shaken by the events surrounding Coup2K. The media silence on the issue, and refusal to acknowledge the very real distress people are feeling, has made the whole situation immeasurably worse.
I have some confessions to make. First of all, right after the election, I was sure, even as screwed up as things were, that everything was going to come out alright. I wasn't sure Gore would win, but I was sure all the ballots would be counted, and everything would be mostly on the up-and-up. About two weeks after the election, I started to lose faith that this would happen. Since then, I've done a lot of crying and a lot of raging. I haven't been eating much, and I haven't been sleeping much, either. I don't watch TV much anymore, or movies (which I adore, by the way). My life is different than it used to be, and so am I.
I haven't written much about my personal life since the election, just a mention here or there, but recently, I've talked on the phone to a few BBBR Resistance Fighters, and I realize that what is happening to me is in no way unique. Actually, it seems to be par for the course for the three ladies I have spoken to so far.
The weight loss, the insomnia, the emotional "outbursting" -- these seem to be common threads. It seems like we are all going through some sort of grieving process, but more than that. The best analogy I can draw, is that I imagine this is what it might feel like to suddenly lose someone you love to a violent crime, only no one is grieving that person's death with you, no one is looking for that person's murderer, and people are telling you to move on.
As contradictory as this may sound, this is also one of the best times of my life. Though I have volunteered with political campaigns before, and served as a Precinct Chair, I have never been more engaged politically, or more informed. I'm not a writer, not a graphic designer, and not a web publisher. And yet, I have never learned anything faster than I am learning these things now. I've never been more proud of my work than I am now, or thought it was more important than I feel this is.
It's a strange dichotomy, I have to tell you. I wonder about it myself…
I know the time will come when some of this strangeness will subside, and the bill will come due for living on the edge as I have these last months. I imagine I will sleep for days… then wake up and eat three pizzas!
But until then, I am doing what I am doing because I have to. After that, I will keep doing it, because I have come to love it more than I imagined I could.
I don't know how many of you are feeling these same things, or experiencing these same "disturbances" in your normal lifestyle (especially you guys out there -- guys handle things differently sometimes), but I think we need to draw each other out on this issue, and discuss it, if we are comfortable doing so.
Many people are finding the BBBR for the first time now, and are writing to tell me how alone they have felt before now. I have been luckier than most, because I have been here from the beginning, and have always had plenty of e-mails waiting in my mailbox to let me know there were people who felt as I did.
So, I am asking all of you to welcome the new Resistance Fighters, and help them find their footing. We laugh a lot in the BBBR, we yell a lot, and we do a lot (that is our real mission: activism), but I also want us to be there for each other, and support each other.
Sermon's over; time to lighten up! Check out Friday's Freep-Fest, and if you haven't seen it yet, read all about "The Steal Penny"...NEXT:
"SGT FREEPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND"