The Coup of
Marty Von Diebstahl
By Spencer Stauffer
Marty wanted to be president;
He decided on it one day.
Though Marty had no experience;
He figured it would play.
He earned not the right to be president,
But that was all right with him.
Though not entitled to be president,
He hid his grin--the fix was in--
Ah, the beauty of privilege and sin.
Louis dreamed he would be president
In an election of honorable means.
He ran a campaign of decency.
He kept his rhetoric clean.
The press attacked him often.
They said he did nothing right.
They pointed out every fault,
Saying he lied, lied, and lied.
Yes, they swabbed Marty's ears
And washed Marty's feet;
They polished Marty's ring
With drunken, delightful glee.
They chuckled at Marty's jokes.
They kissed Marty's cheek.
They brushed Marty's hair.
They flossed Marty's teeth.
They picked Marty's lint
Off his smelly coat.
But they ignored the disease
That oozed from Marty's throat.
Election night in Florida:
A web of cabalistic schemes;
Power grabbing and ballot tampering--
Unlike anything, anyone had seen.
Marty knew that he had to win,
Though the votes were too few.
His confederates waited in the wings
With briefcase, bank bag, and IOU.
Marty's friends felt that it was time
To seal the election,
Even if it meant breaking the law
To install their selection.
Five judges were summoned;
A message was sent to their sanctum:
"Your duty is to the Fatherland
And to your oligarchic masters."
Marty took the oath
On that cold, January day--
In a nation, damaged, with
Democratic principles betrayed.
However, the people did remember.
How could they forget it--
The coup that was hatched
To put in an oligarchic president.
They sought restitution
And justice was found;
When four years later
Louis the Honorable
...And the name,
Marty von Diebstahl,
Was sent into the abyss
To be forgotten--
To be forever dismissed.
© Copyright 2001