The Creator of All to Begin Prozac Therapy
WASHINGTON (gorewon2000.net) January 20, 2001 -- Coup2K, the undemocratic takeover of the United States Presidency, succeeds despite divine meteorological intervention. The Creator of All to seek medical care.TODAY'S REPORTS FROM THE FIELD
Speaking through a burning rock today, The Creator of All finally broke his official silence on the subject of Coup2K. "I'm not using burning bushes to get My message out anymore," he thundered, "I don't want people to get the wrong idea, and do something stupid -- again!"
The Creator of All, clearly agitated about today's infraudulation activities in Washington D.C., defended his limited intervention in preventing today's activities. "I sent tornadoes and severe weather into Bush territory, after the Election," he reminded humanity, "but obviously I was being too subtle."
"I sent boils to afflict The Pretender," he declared, "but even a plague like that, which I have used before, failed to get My message through…"
"I guess I need to re-think the whole 'free will' issue," he mused, "But, in My own defense, I never thought giving humanity free will would lead to anything as awful as THIS!"
Remarking on his meteorological intervention in D.C. today, The Creator said, "I sent a deluge, but you still allowed that idiot to be sworn in! What do I have to do to get my message through to the inhabitants of Earth?"
When asked about his future plans, now that Coup2K has officially placed an undemocratically selected leader in the seat of greatest human power on Earth, The Creator grew sullen and introspective. "I have always been, for all time, a deity that works through difficulties on my own." "I hate to rely on others," He declared. "However," he went on to say, "I think it may be time for Me to avail myself of the fabulous array of antidepressant medications My creations have developed."
"I think I may try Prozac. I've heard it helps."
"Many people," The Creator explained, "have prayed to Me to thank Me for the invention of Prozac." The Creator went on to say, "From what I have heard, no matter how bad things get -- and I would have to say they have gotten pretty bad -- Prozac can really take the edge off."
When asked about the logistics such a medical decision would require, The Creator said, "I have thought about that. I am not sure what the proper dosage for Me would be," he admitted, "But I plan to stock up, because I prophesy a great demand for this product, to be followed soon by an 'antidepressant famine'."
When asked about whether or not his followers might look upon the infraudulation today as a desertion by their deity, The Creator was quick to remind everyone, "Don't blame Me for this! I voted with the majority!"
"You will tell them I said so?" he asked. "Because, if you don't," he threatened, "you shall become unpleasantly acquainted with My 'mysterious ways'."
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NEXT: A BELATED BBBR BIRTHDAY
THE BBBR ASHCROFT DOSSIER:
POLITICAL STUNNER: ASHCROFT DEMANDS DEFEATHUMOR/MUSIC: RUSH LIMBAUGH SINGS "I'M A NAZI"
P.O.T.U.S. POSSE GIVES ASHCROFT A DRUBBING
DIVA SAYS, "CUT ASHCROFT LOOSE, FOOTLOOSE"
NEWS: COUP2K: NONE DARE CALL IT TREASON
NEWS: DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR FAT BUTT...
NEWS: ASHCROFT: SUPPORTS PRO-LIFE VIOLENCE
NEWS: BOGUS POTUS:FIRST GLOBAL VILLAGE IDIOT
HUMOR: GEORGE AND LAURA DRESS-UP OPTIONS
ACTION ALERT: EDUCATE "MELVIN THE MORON"
ACTION ALERT: OPPOSE ASHCROFT NOMINATION
ACTION ALERT: OPPOSE RUMSFELD NOMINATION
ACTION ALERT: OPPOSE NORTON NOMINATION
ACTION ALERT: FRANKLIN MINT NEEDS A SPANKING