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KNOCK, KNOCK... CNN'S VOICES OF AMERICA: The Clinton YearsLet no one ever say that The Diva does not give credit where credit is due:  CNN is an absolute comic GEM.  A diamond among dung.  Check out this "The Daily Show"-quality material.  (I wish I could write stuff this funny...)

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THE SINGLE MOM:  [in 1995] I had my daughter, Caroline. I wasn't married... I'm a Republican. I think Clinton has done a good job of keeping the economy fairly steady. For the most part he has been good for the country. But I cannot even  tell  you  the

amount of my dislike for that man. I think he has sent a very poor message to the American people by what he did in his personal life.

Um... Shall I state the obvious, or would someone else like to take this one and knock it out of the park?

A fornicator passing judgment on another fornicator?  Priceless!  Ask Jerry Falwell: by biblical standards, Bill Clinton never committed adultery. Monica was unmarried, so it could not be adultery -- only fornication.  Bill tried to keep his fornication secret. This woman does not (obviously -- she's telling CNN!). Bill wasn't trying to send a message with Monica. This woman... well... we don't even KNOW if her get-down-style was fornication or adultery, since we don't know if the father of her gorgeous child was married or not.  I propose that we give Ken Starr $60 million to poke around for the answer to this pressing national question...

THE PAWNBROKER:  I'm free, white, single and 21.

Free, I can see -- I mean, I wouldn't pay, would you?  Single also makes perfect sense to me.  But 21?  21?  Then I am She-Diva! Empress of the Known Universe!

I'm a pawnbroker.  I have been on and off for 30 years... 

I am thinking now is one of those "off" times.  Isn't human gestation nine months, not nine years?

Clinton's morality is the main thing I don't like about him.

This from a PAWNBROKER!  A usurer!  Talking about morality!  Fabulous!

I have high hopes for George [W. Bush]. I feel there's a morality change that is going to come into effect. I think we've heard the end of the Camelot crimes.

Did someone hold up Robert Goulet?  Rob the record store chain?  What is this nutball TALKING about?  Must be a FOX News/700 Club fan...

THE VETERAN:  As a military person you're held to a much higher standard in your behavior than the commander in chief has been.

As if!  Military personnel cannot even be sued civilly!

Clinton would never have had to go through ANY of the Paula/Monica madness if Presidents were afforded the same legal coddling as servicemen.

[DIVA NOTE:  In light of the fact that this 16-year veteran is clueless, I find it hard to believe that he is a very good recruiter -- someone who doesn't even know the perks of the job?  Please.  I know more about this stuff than he does, and I've never even been IN the service!]

If a soldier had done some of the things that President Clinton was accused of, then it would have been probably Leavenworth [military prison] in a lot of instances -- or at least being discharged. Your punishment would be a lot greater than what he experienced.

{{{BONEHEAD ALERT!  BONEHEAD ALERT!}}}

What a person is "accused of" means nothing. What they are found to a legal certainty to be guilty of means everything. This used to be true, even for Presidents.

The integrity thing is valued a little bit higher in the military than it is in civilian life. It has to be -- simply because of the nature of the work -- because it can turn into a deadly business. Being accurate and being truthful can cause people to live or die.

I like "A Few Good Men" as much as the next guy... but the military as "keepers of the truth"?  SERIOUSLY?  Ever hear of disinformation?  Ever hear of The Pentagon Papers?  Hello?  Knock, knock...?

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