"THE PRINCESS BRIDE"
Robert Reiner, Director, and William Goldman, Author
Robert B. Reich: The Democratic Party's dead. It can't fight.
The Diva: Ooooohhh! Look who knows so much, eh?! It just so happens that your Party here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between MOSTLY dead, and ALL dead. Now, MOSTLY dead is slightly alive. Now, ALL dead...well, with ALL dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do...
Robert: What's that?
Diva: Go through its ranks and look for a few decent candidates. [The Diva pumps air into The Democratic Party and yells at it] Hey! Hello in there! Hey! What's so important? Whatcha got here, that's worth fighting for? [The Diva pushes on The Democratic Party's chest]
The Democratic Party: [barely audible] The... People...
Robert: [excited] The People! You heard it! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!
Diva: Sonny, fighting for The People is the greatest thing in the world; except for some nice AM - Aerosmith Music - when the lyrics are nice and sexy, and the guitars are crunchy . They're so perky. I love that... But that's not what the Party said! It distinctly said, 'bipartisanship.' And as we all know, when the Democratic Party says 'bipartisanship', what it really means is, 'Screw The People, we don't want to look obstructionist.'
The Diva's Conscience: [interrupting] Liar!! Liar!! Liarrrrrrr!
Diva: Get back, witch!
Conscience: I'm not a witch, I'm your Conscience! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!
Diva: [under her breath] You never had it so good. [The Diva smiles at Robert]
Conscience: 'The People', it said 'The People', Diva!
Diva: Don't say another word, Conscience... [Robert looks on in disbelief]
Conscience: You're afraid. [to Robert] Ever since Prince Shrub stole the election, her confidence has been shattered.
Diva: [yelling] Why'd you say that name?! You promised me that you would never say that name!
Conscience: What? 'Shrub'?
Diva: [cringes] Ahh!!
Diva: Ahh!! [Her Conscience is chasing The Diva around the room yelling. The Diva is covering her ears]
Conscience: [now in a sing-song voice] Shrub... Shrub! Shrub! Shrub! Shrub!
Diva: I'm not listening!
Conscience: The Democratic Party's life is expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!
Diva: Nobody's hearing nothing!
Conscience: Shrub! [She continues to yell 'Shrub']
Robert: [interrupting] This is the American People's true Party. If you heal it, it will stop Shrub's coup!
Diva: [to Conscience] Shut up!
Robert: [to Conscience] Thank you. Thank you.
Diva: [Thinking] Wait, wait! I make the Democratic Party better, Shrub suffers?
Robert: HUMILIATIONS GALORE!
Diva: Ha ha!! I'm gonna afflict the Pretender! That IS a noble cause! Give me the Internet! I'm on the job!
Conscience: Woo-hoo! [The Diva, with help from Her Conscience, concocts a website to fight the coup.]
Robert: [looking doubtful] That's a website?
Conscience: The humor makes it go down easier. But, you have to stop by regularly for full potency. And, you should spend at least an hour a day fighting the coup.
Diva: [jumping in] An hour!
Conscience: An hour.
Diva: ...A good hour... Here. [gives Robert the website]
Robert: [leaving] Thank you for everything.
Diva: Okay! [Robert and The Democratic Party leave for Washington, D.C.]
Conscience: Bye-bye, Boys!
Diva: Have fun storming the castle! NEXT: ALERT: CNN: Stupid, Clueless, Biased?
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