From: "Robert C."
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2001 5:57 PM
Subject: Mayday ?????????
Today is May 1st - a holiday celebrated as MAYDAY in several countries around the world. But as I looked at today's NY Times I thought of the other meaning of that word, as in distress signal - MAYDAY! MAYDAY! (I used to know why this word "mayday" was used as a shorthand for an airplane in distress - SOS is what ships use - but like many other bits of trivia, I've forgotten. Someone, please re-enlighten me!)
Anyway, here's the front page of today's NY Times - left hand side, just above the "fold" (con't on p. 18) - RICH PARDON REPORTEDLY FOLLOWED PLEDGE TO FORMER WIFE'S CHARITY - better than 30.5 column inches devoted to more of the Clinton "pardon scandal". While on p. 8 - top, left - we have this - BUSH CALLS ALLIES IN ADVANCE OF MISSILE SPEECH - approx. 20 column inches about our idiot pretender's upcoming speech about abandoning the 1972 Antiballistic Missile Treaty.
Somehow, I think that the Times got the importance of these stories "bass-ackwards".
Also on the front page - top & center - is a photo of the "smirk" at his "100 day" celebration (story on p. 19 - 18 column inches under the heading - LUNCH AT WHITE HOUSE PROVES NO BIG DRAW. But front page - top right - is this - CHENEY PROMOTES INCREASING SUPPLY AS ENERGY POLICY - FAVORS NUCLEAR PLANTS - SEEKS DEVELOPMENT OF OIL, GAS AND COAL, AND SEES NO EASY ANSWER IN CONSERVING (con't on p. 20) - approx. 41 column inches (13 inches alone on page one!).
The fraudulent vice-president is covered on PAGE ONE for policy statements, and the "smirk" is on page 19 for photo-ops? And this is the newspaper of record? I say that we have a country in distress - MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
Your friend,2001 Bulwer Lytton Contest - Top 10 Winners
These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer Lytton contest (run by the English Department of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear,' a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS...
"The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"