LONG BEACH (gorewon2000.net) -- WebMistress of The BUSH BROTHERS BANANA REPUBLIC formally switches race, based on new information.
"The Diva," WebMistress of The BBBR (gorewon2000.net), after careful consideration and review of new information, has decided today to renounce her whiteness, and join the black race.
"Well, I always just assumed I was white. I never really looked into it carefully, though," she remarked today. "I guess, since I have red hair, green eyes, freckles, and the complexion of Elvira, I took it for granted that I was white." She went on to say, "However, since I have investigated the matter more fully, I realize now I cannot possibly be."
After a thorough review of media reports, The Diva came to the obvious conclusion that she must be black. "The media has been very clear that concern and outrage over Coup2K is a 'black thing,' so I now realize I must be black. I mean, I'm furious, right?" When asked to elaborate, Tammy explained, "Well, I look at it this way. The only people, according to the media, that feel the way I clearly do -- that are certain that criminal acts are on the verge of putting an illegitimate leader in the White House -- are black Americans. You don't find evidence much less ambiguous than that, do you?"
The WebMistress, until today's stunning announcement, had always personally identified as 'white'. "You know, you get asked that a lot, on all kinds of forms you have to fill out, and I have always checked 'white' or 'Caucasian' when asked. I have to admit, I was basing my answer on the way I look -- nothing more," she said. "I realize now how faulty my reasoning has been." She continued, "I was always vaguely aware that race statutes have traditionally defined any person with any black ancestry as 'black' under the law, and I also know that all humans share a common ancestry." She went on to say, "I'm convinced now, after careful review of the facts, that I must have many black ancestors in my lineage that I am simply unaware of. How else can I possibly explain my visceral and powerful reaction to Coup2K?"
To further document her sudden change in racial identification, The Diva discussed her response to yesterday's certification of the presidential election. "I was watching it, and it just became so clear to me. One by one, members of the Congressional Black Caucus stood to challenge the electors," she explained, "and I felt a kinship with them that I can only describe as absolute." Continuing, she asked, "Why didn't I feel that same sense of community and affection when I looked out over the sea of white faces looking on? The fighting spirit that lives in me more clearly mirrors that of an Alcee Hastings or a Maxine Waters, than almost any of those people."
She also discussed her pride in, and fondness for, Vice President Gore's handling of the event, and the white members who followed the Congressional Black Caucus out of the chamber in protest. "I have a feeling they might just be black like me," she mused.
When asked if she had any concerns that black Americans might not accept her into their ranks, The Diva paused a moment in reflection, and shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I think they will see this in substantially the same way that I do, and be glad to have another fighter in their corner." She also noted that, "Black Americans, when presented with the evidence that I have discussed, will likely welcome me into their community. I feel that they are unlikely to reject me, although they might think of me as a 'light-skinned' black."
"But, what if they don't?" this reporter asked. "That changes nothing," The Diva quickly responded. "That wouldn't make me any more white. I am who I am, and I am proud of who I am." She also went on to say, "If other people -- who have always, as I did, identified themselves as 'white' -- would consider the same evidence I have, I think we would be likely to have a black majority in America."
"Regardless," she concluded, "I think the national popular vote for President, and the recent polls on the election aftermath both indicate that, regardless of personal racial identification, we already do."