Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye,
Be it known that today, 1.26.2001, is founded the deCentrist political non-party. No longer Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Greens, NeoFascists, yada, yada, yada, deCentrists believe whatever, whenever, and however. Their candidates are whoever. deCentrists share no common ideology. They pay no dues. They hold no conventions. They don't owe nothin' to nobody.
Their positions on issues weave back and forth across the median strip, sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes spiraling toward the obvious. Beware. They are playing Hide ‘n Go Seek with America, and you're it.
However, for the dangerously curious, to become a deCentrist, simply ask yourself what being one would mean to your life. Think about it real hard. Then not so hard. You're in! No other bona fides required.
If you ever hear someone attack the deCentrist position, first ask them how they can criticize something that doesn't exist. If they still insist they can, you'll know they're really a deCentrist just having a little fun at your expense. Join them in a round or two of deCentrist bashing, and the both of you will startle all those standing near. deCentrists will gain extraordinary power the more viciously they are attacked.
Scratch political slogans on your company's bathroom stalls. Attribute them to "A half-cocked deCentrist." Here's one: "Burn a ballot box; save an election!" Or, "We will delete you!" Or, the more blatantly partisan, "deCentrists destablize de world.”
Let deCentrism become a fashionable but unquantifiable force in American politics. Spread rumors that deCentrists are being investigated by the FBI, Secret Service, CIA, MSNBC, Rush Limbaugh, and the FOX News Network. Tell people a deCentrist leader is going to appear on LARRY KING-LIVE. When the leader is not even mentioned, spread the rumor that s/he was made persona non gratis by the Supreme Court in a secret summary trial, using a secret summary vote that wasn’t even counted.
Baffle your mother. Stump your friends. No matter what you do, the cause of deCentrism will be advanced on all fronts. If necessary, travel disguised as a McCain Republican or Bradley Democrat, knowing in your heart--a heart into which George W. Bush cannot peer--that you needn't defend your not-self, your no-party, or your unbeliefs, no sir!
Viva La deCentrism!
Founding deCentrist Non-party, Non-member