Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye,
Be it known that today,
1.26.2001, is founded the deCentrist political non-party. No longer
Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Greens, NeoFascists, yada, yada, yada,
deCentrists believe whatever, whenever, and however. Their candidates are
whoever. deCentrists share no common
ideology. They pay no dues. They hold no conventions. They don't
owe nothin' to nobody.
Their positions on
issues weave back and forth across the median strip, sometimes left, sometimes
right, sometimes spiraling toward the obvious.
Beware. They are playing Hide ‘n
Go Seek with America, and you're it.
However, for the
dangerously curious, to become a deCentrist, simply ask yourself what being one
would mean to your life. Think about it real hard. Then not so
hard. You're in! No other bona fides required.
If you ever
hear someone attack the deCentrist position, first ask them how they can
criticize something that doesn't exist. If they still insist they can,
you'll know they're really a deCentrist just having a little fun at your
expense. Join them in a round or two of deCentrist bashing, and the both
of you will startle all those standing near. deCentrists will gain
extraordinary power the more viciously they are attacked.
political slogans on your company's bathroom stalls. Attribute them to
"A half-cocked deCentrist." Here's one: "Burn a
ballot box; save an election!" Or, "We will delete you!"
Or, the more blatantly partisan,
"deCentrists destablize de world.”
become a fashionable but unquantifiable force in American politics.
Spread rumors that deCentrists are being investigated by the FBI, Secret
Service, CIA, MSNBC, Rush Limbaugh, and the FOX News Network. Tell people
a deCentrist leader is going to appear on LARRY KING-LIVE. When the leader
is not even mentioned, spread the rumor that s/he was made persona non
gratis by the Supreme Court in a secret summary trial, using a secret
summary vote that wasn’t even counted.
mother. Stump your friends. No matter what you do, the cause of
deCentrism will be advanced on all fronts. If necessary, travel disguised
as a McCain Republican or Bradley Democrat, knowing in your heart--a heart into
which George W. Bush cannot peer--that you needn't defend your not-self, your
no-party, or your unbeliefs, no sir!
Viva La deCentrism!
deCentrist Non-party, Non-member